What modern singles say instantly kills attraction — and which “red flags” actually matter in dating today.
In today’s dating world, millions of people swipe, match, and message before they ever meet in person. This kind of climate requires singles to make judgment calls every step of the way. With 75 million people logging on to apps like Tinder every day, Americans on the dating market have more options than ever before. But an abundance of options doesn’t always mean an abundance of good options.
We surveyed 1,000 singles in the USA who are actively dating to find out what they define as a red flag, and what they do once they spot one. From AI-generated messages to treating a server poorly, small behaviors reveal a lot about how a person would be as a partner. Today’s singles aren’t settling, and we learned exactly where their boundaries are drawn.
Key Takeaways
- 56% say AI-generated or heavily edited dating photos are a red flag.
- 41% of singles say looking very different in real life than in profile photos instantly kills attraction.
- 24% say misleading or outdated photos on dating apps are the biggest dating red flag, rising to 45% among Gen Z compared to 31% of Millennials.
- 63% say repeatedly bringing up an ex is an immediate dealbreaker, while 61% say rudeness to service staff also kills the vibe.
- 61% say requesting Venmo or Cash App payment after a date without discussing it first is a red flag, rising to 66% among women.
- 81% call cocaine or party drugs an instant dealbreaker, while 71% say cannabis use is not an issue or only a minor concern.
- 66% say vaping is only a minor issue or not an issue at all, compared to just 20% who view it as a major red flag.
- 68% say poor hygiene is a red flag early in dating, with 72% of women who say it is an instant deal-breaker.
Digital First Impressions
Thanks to social media and dating apps, you create an impression long before you meet in person. Potential dates often screen matches beforehand to assess compatibility, meaning the vibe you give off online will determine how successful your date will be—or if you even get one.
The most common turn-off in terms of digital first impressions was a lack of authenticity or consistency. Over half (55%) of respondents said it’s a warning sign when someone’s online presence doesn’t match the way they behave in real life. While people certainly curate their feeds and pages, a noticeable discrepancy between their digital persona and real-life behavior is cause for concern.
Another 41% said their biggest red flag was when someone looked different from their photos online, whether that’s due to angles, filters, or editing. Similarly, nearly a quarter (24%) said that someone intentionally using outdated or misleading photos was a red flag. This rose to 45% among Gen Z, showing that the most online generation expects their partners to update their digital footprint regularly.
Even if someone’s photos and persona are accurate, there can be too much of a good thing. Over a third (39%) said that too many selfies and other attention-seeking content were a red flag, as well. Singles want to see balance and personality…as long as that personality is good. Over half (52%) said that negative, disrespectful, or offensive social media posts make them less likely to pursue someone. This mattered far more to women: 58% said that negative online behavior was an instant “no”, compared to only 42% of men. While significant shares of both genders are put off by offensive content, due to the link between online hate and offline violence, many women hold a hard line for their own safety.
Hone Your Social Skills (and Don’t Skip the Deodorant)
Today’s singles know what they want. More importantly, they know what they don’t want. The way a date dresses, speaks, and behaves can stop a date in its tracks. Whether it’s boorish behavior or constant complaining, these instant turn-offs are leading many to cancel their second dates.
Most respondents (68%) said that poor personal hygiene was a hard line, including bad breath, unwashed hands, and body odor. This is far more important to women: 72% of women listed poor hygiene as a dealbreaker, compared to only 63% of men.
A similar amount (67%) said that being rude to service staff or other people around them was also a turnoff, since that rudeness will inevitably be turned toward their partners. The genders are split on whether or not to tolerate rude behavior, too: while 73% of women lose interest in someone who’s rude to service workers, only 61% of men say the same.
These discrepancies may reflect how women are more often socialized to prioritize safety, respect, and consideration early on, while society conditions men to downplay behaviors that don’t immediately affect them.
Poor table manners are another immediate no at 64%, followed closely by rude public behavior such as talking too loudly or talking on speakerphone in public (55%) and arriving late or flaking last-minute (51%). Singles want someone who’s put-together and respectful in all situations, not someone they have to manage in public.
Red Flags and the “Ick” Factor
A polished online presence doesn’t guarantee a second date–and neither does a polished real-world appearance. Singles talk about what behaviors give them “the ick”, an acute and sudden sense of disgust toward the person they’re on a date with. You don’t always know what will give you the ick until you see it, and our respondents told us everything that had made them cancel second-date plans.
No matter how much they hurt you, your dates don’t want to hear about your ex. The majority (63%) of singles said that repeatedly bringing up an ex or oversharing personal drama on the first date was an instant dealbreaker. Save the gripes for the third date.
Money matters were similarly likely to split a potential couple apart. Over half (61%) of respondents said that requesting money after a date via Venmo, Cash App, or Zelle is a major red flag, with that number rising to 66% among women. Another 38% of singles were turned off when their date insisted on splitting the bill. Even if their date offers to cover the cost, their attitude while doing so matters: 50% of respondents said dictating what a date can or can’t do based strictly on cost was toxic behavior.
But the biggest red flag was pulling an Irish goodbye: 63% of respondents said that sneaking out of the first date guarantees the end of that courtship. Interestingly, while 68% of women would refuse a second date with someone who snuck out of the first, only 57% of men said the same.
Even if the date goes well, the end can ruin it all. Collectively, 67% of singles would be uncomfortable if their date tried to initiate intimacy the first time they met (although 19% of those admitted they would “probably go along with it”). While 22% of men said that they would be more interested in a date who initiated physical intimacy, only 6% of women agreed. Considering how single women have to fend off unwanted advances in everyday life, it makes sense that they have firm physical boundaries while dating.
Sometimes, though, singles can’t quite put their finger on what makes them lose interest in someone. This phenomenon is also dubbed “the ick”. When we asked how our singles responded when they felt the ick after being approached IRL, here were their strategies:
- Politely decline (52%).
- Quickly end the interaction (47%).
- Firmly reject them (29%).
- Ignore them (26%).
- Give a fake phone number or email (21%).
Today’s daters are listening to their gut feelings and waiting to see green flags before committing to a partner–or even a second date.
Where Singles Draw the Line on Vapes, Drugs, and Drinking
Not all substances are judged equally in the dating game. While some people prefer total sobriety in a partner, it may be fewer people than you think. Modern attitudes toward substance use have shifted, and singles care more about overall habits than usage itself.
Brat Summer has given way to Sober Fall. Over half (63%) said that cocaine and other party drugs were instant dealbreakers, more so than any other substance. Women were significantly more likely to reject someone based on cocaine use, at 84% to men’s 69%. Whether it’s due to their highly addictive nature or the way they can amplify aggressive behavior, singles are saying “no” to those drugs.
Cannabis and alcohol, by contrast, are much less likely to turn off potential partners: 71% say cannabis is of little to no concern when dating, and 76% the same when it comes to alcohol. This, too, was split along gender lines: while half (73%) of men said that cannabis use was not an issue, only 70% of women said the same. When it comes to drinking, 79% of men say alcohol is not an issue, compared to 73% of women. Similar to the gender discrepancy regarding party drugs, this may be because men are more vulnerable to alcohol use disorder, and women are proactively avoiding that dynamic.
Vaping seems to be the most widely accepted habit of all, with 59% of respondents saying vaping is either a minor issue or not an issue at all. This attitude was most common among millennials, with 65% of them citing vaping as a minor or nonexistent issue. Interestingly, boomers were the most likely to reject someone for using any kind of nicotine products: 42% of boomers called nicotine an “instant dealbreaker”, more than double the amount of any other generation (Gen X was closest, with 21%). Perhaps because cigarettes used to be ubiquitous when boomers were young, and many have likely already kicked the habit, it follows that they’re ready to leave nicotine in the past.
AI, Authenticity, and the Limits of Optimization
In the last few years, a whole industry has sprung up around creating AI “relationships” and relationship advice chatbots. But even though these tools and experiences are widely available, the public reception to them (and AI tools on the whole) is mixed. Singles have to make sure they and their date have the same moral stance on AI usage.
The first AI-generated red flag is entirely visual. Over half (56%) said that using AI to alter your photos — or generate new ones entirely — was an instant turnoff. Gen X held this belief the most, 62% of whom deemed it an instant dealbreaker. Still, more than half of every generation was against the use of AI photos in dating profiles.
Similarly, 46% said that using AI to write or edit messages was also a red flag. Singles want to know what’s coming from your heart, not what ChatGPT thought would be “warm and flirtatious”. This number rose to 57% among boomers, who are especially attached to the human aspect of human connection.
Even when potential partners use AI as an assistant rather than a generative tool, it’s a turnoff. Two in five (41%) said that using AI to “decode” or analyze messages was a dealbreaker, and 37% were put off by potential matches using AI to plan dates instead of doing it themselves. Even though AI is integrating itself into every part of our lives, those on the dating market are prioritizing classic human connection.
Sorry, sexy chatbots: 38% of respondents said they wouldn’t date someone who had used AI to simulate romantic or sexual interactions. Boomers led the pack on this sentiment, with 46% of the generation considering AI relationships a red flag. Gen X followed closely behind with 42%, and millennials and Gen Z clocked in at 34% and 31%, respectively.
Like many other red flags so far, women took a more rigid stance: 45% of women would not date someone who had sexted or flirted with an AI, compared to only 30% of men. In a time where nearly 1 in 3 men under thirty have had a relationship with a chatbot, women seem to be on guard, but younger generations are more open-minded.
Beyond Red Flags: Compatibility Signals That Matter Long Term
Even when someone doesn’t have any traditional red flags, per se, they still may not be a perfect match. Daters have to determine whether their lifestyles and values match, and if a long-term relationship can actually be built from the initial attraction. We found out how modern singles define and figure out their compatibility with potential partners.
Even if someone says all the right things and pays for dinner without complaining, singles also want to feel good while in their company. Over half (57%) said that they want a dating partner who feels emotionally present and consistent early on, without any games or playing hard-to-get. A similar number of people (56%) say they want to feel like a priority, rather than a backup option, when starting to date someone. Another 54% prioritize people who are genuinely interested in getting to know them, saying it’s essential to be open and curious in the early days of dating.
Hobbies and interests can reveal a lot about a partner. Nearly half (48%) of respondents said that being deeply invested in online drama, discourse, or internet arguments is a red flag hobby. That’s less than the number of people who consider astrology a red flag, though: 60% of respondents said they’d lose interest if their date used astrology to guide their decisions or understand their relationships. We wonder how many of these respondents were Scorpios, though.
Your dating history matters, too. Especially when it comes to age gaps. Nearly half (43%) of singles get the ick when a date makes comments about preferring younger partners, and 41% say it’s a red flag if they’ve consistently dated much-younger people. Using their age to justify controlling or toxic behaviors was another popular red flag at 42%, as was lying about or obfuscating their age (42%).
Zoomers were the most against age gaps: 52% said consistently dating younger was a red flag, compared to 37% of millennials and 45% of boomers. Gen X seemed most open to mixed-age relationships, with only 33% being concerned about their dates preferring much-younger partners. If only Gen Z were equally interested in them.
What Modern Red Flags Really Reveal
Modern dating has become less about checking boxes and more about reading signals. With so many interactions happening quickly — and often digitally — singles are relying on small behaviors to answer big questions: Is this person self-aware? Do they respect boundaries? Are they consistent in how they show up?
What this data makes clear is that red flags aren’t about moral judgment or perfection. They’re tools for decision-making in a high-stakes dating environment. Differences across gender and generation reflect lived experience, shifting norms, and varying risk tolerance — not confusion about what people want. In many cases, these standards exist to protect emotional energy and personal safety before an attachment forms.
Ultimately, dating today rewards intention. The choices people make, both online and in person, shape attraction before anyone consciously realizes it. With so many choices on the table, it’s not chemistry alone that keeps people around — it’s consistency.
Methodology
eJuiceDB conducted a survey of 1,000 U.S. adults who are currently dating or have dated recently to understand what they perceived as red flags through behaviors, habits, and social signals. The study gathered self-reported responses related to digital profiles, in-person behavior, lifestyle habits, substance use, technology adoption, and values. The sample was stratified and segmented by age and gender, and percentages may exceed 100% where multiple responses were permitted or may not total exactly 100% due to rounding.
About eJuiceDB
eJuiceDB is a U.S.-based vape retailer offering a wide selection of e-liquids, devices, and accessories from leading brands. Known for its extensive inventory and competitive pricing, eJuiceDB makes it easy for adult customers to find reliable, high-quality vaping products in one place.
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source https://www.ejuicedb.com/blogs/news/dating-red-flags-trends-study
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